Translated from the original German publication in SEIN.de, September 18, 2025
It was a Saturday. We had finished earlier than expected — the groceries put away, the usual household chores done. That left us with an extra hour before we had to leave for a badminton evening with friends. My girlfriend and I looked at each other, dropped onto the bed, and made love. It was intense, but also rushed — as so often, the climax came quickly. And then, almost immediately, I was left feeling drained, empty, cut off from myself. What I had longed for was closeness, connection, a sense of aliveness. Instead, there was only a heavy dullness after release — my body exhausted, my heart untouched. I had been looking forward to the badminton evening, but suddenly I didn’t want to go anymore.
This wasn’t new to me. For years, my sexuality had followed the same cycle: built-up tension, followed by an explosive release. Intense, yes — but often disappointing. Each time, it felt as if I lost something precious, instead of emerging stronger.
In my early thirties, after a painful breakup with my partner at the time, I began to ask myself in earnest: Isn’t there more possible? Could sexuality hold the potential to be a real source of power — and if so, how could I find my way there?
The Turning Point
At sixteen, I came across a book called The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. I was curious, tried out a few of the exercises, and felt a strange tingling in my head. But the real treasure of that book — its deeper meaning — only revealed itself to me years later.
I remember one evening, home alone in the bathroom, when I touched myself with curiosity — without expectation, without aiming for a goal. And suddenly, I experienced an orgasm without ejaculating. It wasn’t a firework of sensations. Rather, it was a gentle current, a soft inner glow. And in that moment I knew, deep inside:
There is so much more — and I want to find it!
That experience marked a beginning. I started listening to my body. After my morning runs, I set aside time each day for conscious solo-sex practice — with the clear intention of keeping my sexual energy in the body. I paid attention, explored how pleasure could spread, and how I could end not in emptiness but in a state of being energetically charged.
What I discovered was this: sexuality has no final goal. It is an energy. A power that longs to unfold — in the body, in the heart, in life. Gradually I learned how to connect with this power, how to guide it so that it would not burn me out, but instead glow within me — warm, steady, and alive.
A New Understanding of Masculinity
Around this time, a new woman came into my life. After a long break, this connection felt special — not least because she was also deeply connected with another man. When I met him for the first time, I felt old patterns rise up inside me: competition, possessiveness, the urge to mark my territory.
In the past, I probably would have tried to make it clear: “She belongs to me.”
But this time, something was different. Through the solo-sex practice I had been deepening, something had grown in me — something calmer, more trusting. Instead of fighting, I heard a voice inside say:
Let it unfold organically.
I relaxed. And the more I did, the more I felt: this new connection was deep and real — not because I had conquered her, but because I had shown up with an open heart. I didn’t try to control; I simply offered her my presence.
That experience — with her, with myself — showed me something profound:
My masculinity does not lie in domination. Not in endurance.
It lies in allowing. In the ability to be present, to soften, to feel myself.
Many men carry a deep shame within them — shame about their desire, their vulnerability, their uncertainty. Often it comes from an inner image of the “strong man” who always has everything under control.
The more I let go of that image, the more I was able to truly trust my body — and my sexuality.
Today, sexuality no longer means loss for me — but blossoming. A source of power that does not exhaust me, but nourishes me. That does not cut me off from myself, but connects me — with myself and with others.
What Happens When Men Step Onto This Path
In recent years, I have had the privilege of accompanying many men as they discovered themselves — and their sexuality — in new ways. Each of them brings his own story.
Chris came to me after a breakup. He told me that in the months before, he had felt increasingly disconnected from his body and his desire — and that several disappointing encounters had only deepened this. A few weeks later, he described how he could once again clearly feel his sexual energy, how it was moving through his body and influencing his life. He no longer had to chase the quick climax — nor did he fall into the deep emptiness that followed. Instead, he experienced a sustained, vibrant energy that fundamentally changed his self-image.
Antarius, a man with previous tantric experience, shared after our third session that he was discovering a new access point to his sexuality — beyond performance, habits, and goals. He said it felt awake, like an inner glow. For many men, it is unfamiliar to touch themselves with love and awareness — a quick release is something everyone knows, but to meet oneself with presence and without a goal is a completely different experience. In that conscious space, his pleasure no longer discharged but spread through his whole body — soft, expansive, alive.
Gery, a musician in his late fifties, was surprised at how much this work also affected other areas of his life. Alongside new sexual experiences — long, full-body orgasms that didn’t leave him tired — he noticed how calm and centered he suddenly felt on stage. “That I can still learn something like this at my age — and that it even changes me as a performer — that is the greatest gift for me,” he said.
All of these stories show me: finding one’s own sexual power changes not only what happens in bed — it changes us men at the deepest level.
Sexuality as a Spiritual Practice
Looking back at my own journey, and at the experiences of the men I have accompanied, I see this: sexuality is a doorway. Behind it lie forces that connect us with something greater — once conditioning, shame, and limiting beliefs are overcome.
And these forces can be felt in the most sensual moments:
In the warm tingling that rises up the spine.
In a single breath that opens the chest wide.
In the stillness after a wave of orgasm, when everything feels peaceful and complete.
When we learn to keep these forces alive within us — instead of discharging them right away — a new space opens. A space that carries us: into connection. Into joy. Into a love that is nourished rather than depleted.
Into the courage to walk new paths.
How many men, I wonder, have caught a glimpse of what is waiting for them on the other side of that door?
If you feel called to explore this path yourself, you can learn more about my coaching offerings here